Archive for ‘Uncategorized’

January 24, 2011

5 ways to become patient and powerful

by Dandy

Hello everyone!  I would like to introduce you to the writer of this wonderful guest post, m. Farouk Radwan.  He is the writer and creative mind behind the very popular  Please check out his website.  It is filled with a wide variety of self-improvement articles.


 Did you get patience incorrectly?

5 ways to become patient and powerful

 While everyone knows that patience and persistence are the two skills that can enable anybody to succeed still most people get patience incorrectly as they perceive it as some kind of helplessness.

Contrary to common beliefs patience can make you more powerful provided that you understand it correctly and do it the right way.

In this post I am going to tell you about 5 ways that can make you patient and powerful:

1)     Patience is different than admitting defeat:  Some people think of patience as passive waiting or even admitting defeat while in fact patience is just a decision to not let the current events affect your mood because you know that sooner or later you will be able to fix things. When you decide to become patient know that you are not admitting defeat but you are just waiting for victory to come.

2)     Patience is not waiting:  Patience is different than waiting. In order to be patient the right way you need to be doing your best to change the situation you are in while controlling your emotions. If you have lots of bills that you can’t meet then patience in this case would be not allowing the bills to make you feel bad while working on another way to increase your income or to manage your expenses.

3)     Patience is optimism:  Some people think that patience is the decision the person takes when everything goes wrong and when he has no other options while in fact patience is a state of optimism where you decide that you are going to wait because sooner or later things will turn to the better. When you decide to be patient decide to be positive too so that your patience makes you feel better.

4)     Patience is power: Instead of feeling defeated, crying or even becoming depressed you can make the choice of being patient. In such a case patience is a powerful state that allows you full control over your emotions and impulsive responses. The next time you decide to be patient remind yourself that you are being powerful too.

5)      Patience is wisdom: Sometimes doing the right thing in the wrong time can bring bad outcomes. Patience is not a passive state where you wait for the white knight to come and save you but it’s a state of wisdom where you wait on intention because you know that this might not be the right time to take an action. The next time you decide to be patient remind yourself that you are being wise too.

Now that you understand that patience makes you optimistic, in control, confident and wise you should never regard it as passive waiting

Written by m.Farouk Radwan

January 3, 2011

Kiss my muffin top: A study in self-image

by Dandy

Ah, the holiday indulgence!  Yes, the past six weeks I’ve allowed myself ample amounts of fudge, cookies, cocktails, white chocolate chex mix (oh, baby), brownies, fancy hor dourves, the list goes on and on.  So all the work I put into last summer and fall to lose the 10 pounds that had really been bothering me was thrown out the window.  I had been so proud of myself when I got to my ideal weight.  I felt so good that I had really started to take great care of myself.  I have never been an exercise person, so I really took myself out of my comfort zone when I walked into a gym for the first time in my life and purchased a membership.  The exercise made my self-esteem soar.  I had no idea that exercise could do this for me.  I just wanted to whittle my waist a little.  I had more energy and stamina.  My mind felt clearer and sharper.  All these good feelings motivated me to eat healthier.  I had no more interest in the high fat, high calorie diet I had most of my life.  I bought a juicer and was pouring down the fruits and veggies.  My skin was glowing and my finger nails were really strong.  I started drinking green smoothies and made vegan lasagna

read more »

November 29, 2010

Adorn your soul

by Dandy

There is an old hymn titled, “Soul, Adorn Thyself with Gladness,” by Johann Franck.  You’ll find it in every hymnal in every church.  It starts like this,

Soul, adorn thyself with gladness,

Leave behind all gloom and sadness;

Come into the daylight’s splendor.

We put so much thought into our physical appearance and making sure everything matches neatly.  Why don’t we put as much thought into how we need to adorn our souls?  Ask yourself tomorrow morning while you’re getting dressed, “what do I need in order to adorn myself to get through this day?”  Perhaps I’ll wear my cloak of gladness to get through the hustle and bustle of this time of year.  Then I’ll wear the shoes of grace so that I may walk peacefully instead of rushing about.  I also need my scarf of gratitude so that I may feel the warmth of all my blessings.  Put some thought into how you want to adorn your soul and you will display a more beautiful version of yourself.  With gladness, grace, and gratitude we will affect others positively with this inner adornment.   Your soul deserves to be beautifully adorned with all the virtues this world possesses.  Not only will your inner self shine brightly, you will be made rich in spirit.  The only way to ever obtain richness is by obtaining the very best of virtues and values. 

What will you adorn your soul with?

October 12, 2010

How rude!!!

by Dandy

 No matter who you are or where you live we all have one thing in common…at one point or another we encounter impolite, rude, tactless, uncouth people.  There are varying degrees of rudeness.  Some can be easily overlooked and forgotten, and sometimes the offense is startling and cruel.

It’s not easy to deal with rudeness especially if this is a person you encounter everyday, such as a co-worker, neighbor, or relative.  However, there are strategies you can take that make dealing with such people easier for you.

The most important thing for you to do is to never, ever react with rudeness in return.  Forget it.  You may want to reply with a witty, sharp comment, but this doesn’t resolve the problem.  It only encourages the banter of tactlessness (I think that’s a word).  It also reflects poorly on you.

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  Make it difficult for them to be rude to you by being sweet as maple syrup.  Kill the rudeness with kindness.  It’s not fun being rude to a person who is really nice and polite.

Try to look past the outward behavior.  Remember there is a reason for everything.  I was once at a second-hand clothing store, standing in a long check out line.  The cashier was frenzied and fumbling in her stress.  She was curt and short to every person who checked out their items ahead of me.  When it was my turn to check out I smiled at the cashier, made eye contact, said a bright,” hello”.  Then I complimented her on her pretty accent.  She told me where she was from and it was a place I’ve always wanted to travel to.  By this brief chit-chat her entire countenance changed.  She even laughed!  As I left, she cheerfully told me to have a great day.  I’ve been back to this store a few more times and she always remembers me, and greets me with a smile.  I’d like to give the credit to my charm, but really it was just genuine kindness.  I gave the poor, frenzied cashier some slack.  We all need a break now and then.  Treat people like a friend.  Talk politely.  Smile. Watch them change.

Another thing to know when it comes to dealing with rude people is to be honest.  If this rudeness is a reoccurring thing, tell them their behavior and/or comments are not appreciated and they shouldn’t expect you to accept it any longer.  In many cases, the rude person doesn’t know their actions hurt others.  But bringing it to their attention will cause them to take a look at their behavior.  Stand up for yourself, but do so in a positive manner.

Assess the behavior.  Sometimes a person just doesn’t have social graces or may have some mild social anxiety.  This is very different from a blatantly rude individual whose comments are said with purposeful intention.  Assertive communication is needed for hurtful, cutting comments not someone who is socially awkward.

Remain detached.  If you are not only dealing with a rude individual, but a profoundly negative one, smile and don’t say anything.  Don’t get involved.  This type of person is seeking a reaction, a negative one.  It’s what they feed on.  Try observing and then tell yourself, “what a shame this person is so negative.  This unhappiness has nothing to do with me.”

If nothing else say goodbye.  If ignoring, confronting, detaching doesn’t work, it may be in your best interest to move on.  This can be particularly difficult if the person who is making the rude comments is a close friend.  For example, if  a friend is persistently making disparaging comments about your weight, or relationship, or parenting style and it is tearing you up, then it may be time to move on and away from this person.  Wish them well and say goodbye.

It’s hard not to take rude comments personally.  We do not have to respond to every thoughtless comment.  You won’t be any less of a person if you choose to walk away from the rude person.

“Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it”.  Rene Descartes

October 8, 2010

Harassment & Bullying

by Dandy

I have been very much disturbed lately over the suicide of Rutger’s University student, Tyler Clementi.  He was only 18 years old.  I can’t stop thinking about him and his family.  I can’t stop thinking about the pain he must have endured the days before his death.  He must have been in a terribly dark place.  Tyler’s roommates used a webcam to record an intimate moment between him and another man.  It was a horrific invasion of privacy.  He was the victim of two sick and twisted individuals.

In this post, I want to explain the difference between harassment and bullying, and what to do about it if it is happening to you, or if you see that someone is a victim.

Bullying is typically emotional or psychological.  It involves written and verbal communication.  Harassment has physical components such as unwanted touching, invading personal space, and damaging possessions.  Both are possible to stop, whether it be in the work place, school, or home.  Bullies typically target people they perceive as better than them, such as popular, or successful people.  People who harass others however, usually single out people they feel are different from them.  These differences can be racial, gender, cultural, disability, and other differences.

Harassment is easier to prove, because it only takes one instance to identify it.  Harassment is usually bold and in your face so to speak.  Discrimination falls into this category.  Bullying is more subtle and insidious.  Which makes it harder to stop and prove.  Bullying typically happens in private, whereas harassment is usually boldly done to boost the image of the harasser, and to show their peers they are better.

These differences are important to identify because different procedures and strategy need to be taken.  However, in both cases the behavior MUST be reported.  This goes for children too.  Children need to be told by their teachers, parents, clergy that they need to tell if they see another child being bullied.  Just imagine if several children reported the same bully to their teacher or principle, the school would then be pressured to do something about it, and the victim would no longer be a victim. 

If you are being harassed, keep a record of every act.  Record dates, times, locations, witnesses.  Keep every piece of evidence such as emails and phone records.  If suitable, address your concerns with the harasser, tell them to stop.  Report the behavior to your boss, or human resources if it is happening at work.  Contact local law enforcement if necessary.

If you see someone being harassed or bullied, tell the victimizer to stop, but only if you feel safe doing so.  Talk with the victim.  Rally up your peers and friends to stand with the victim.  Usually people are singled out for being socially isolated.  If they aren’t isolated anymore that is a turn off for the bully. 

Now after the suicide of Tyler Clementi there is outrage and remorse.  There needs to be outrage while people are being bullied and harassed.  No one should have to die for people to see what a devastating problem this is.  I wish Tyler would have immediately been surrounded by people who would support him and let him know that what happened to him wasn’t his fault. 

In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.  Martin Luther King, Jr.

October 6, 2010


by Dandy

Do you find yourself being sabotaged?  Are you doing it to yourself and don’t know why?  Self-sabotage comes from fear and doubt.  We can be on the right path for a long while then distrust in ourselves creeps in.  We lose track.  I have sabotaged myself in so many ways.  For instance I’ve had jobs in the past where things are going well – I’m getting praise and positive feedback.  Then I started showing up late for work and calling in sick frequently.  The result of course was being fired.  On one occasion I didn’t want the job, but didn’t have the maturity to find other work, then give notice of leave.  The other occasion the job was turning out so well that I was afraid people’s expectations would be more than I could handle.  Also I was earning a good wage and I felt unworthy of it.  So again my old routine of going to work late, calling in sick, and just not showing up.  I was let go of my position, rightfully.  I did it to myself.  No one was to blame but me.

read more »

October 1, 2010

The fear of starting something new

by Dandy

Since I just started this blog, I felt that a very appropriate post would be getting past fear.  Focusing on starting new things.  It’s exactly what I’m going through right now.  So many ‘what ifs’ are invading my thoughts…what if I offend someone, what if no one likes my blog, what if I can’t find the time to post regularly, what if I regret writing a blog in the first place.  Oh, it goes on and on.

I always thought of fear as something I need to make go away in order to conquer it.  But that is a false assumption.  The truth is I need to do something with the fear I have.  Give it a job so to speak.  First, I wrote down precisely what I was afraid of concerning starting a blog.  I was afraid no one would find it in the huge universe of blogs.  I was afraid I wouldn’t have the time I would need to dedicate to it.  I was worried I’d get writers block.  Writing down all my fears gave me clarity.  It broke it down into smaller, less fearsome pieces.

Secondly, I shifted my focus.  If I was to worry about my blog not being found, or fearful that no one would like me then my focus would only be on that.  I would fixate on that instead of the blog itself.  So I asked myself what I wanted to achieve.  I summoned up a vision of a blog that was well written and appreciated by those who chose to read it.  I pictured myself enjoying the camaraderie it would bring me. 

Finally I took action.  I sought answers to my questions.  I laid my fears out on the table.  I talked about my desire to write a blog with my loved ones and told them of the time I would need.  I wanted to get out all my fears, so that I wouldn’t carry it with me.  I counteracted my fears with action, and really I can’t imagine a situation worsening by opening up.  I believe that if one is honest about their feelings there will be reward somewhere.

Fear will never go away.  It is in our biology, but it can be dispersed.  What new thing have you been wanting to try?  What specifically of that are you afraid of?  Envision yourself successfull…what does it look like?  Is it worth it?

Tags: ,
September 30, 2010

A work of art

by Dandy

Well here it is…my first post on The Reflective Self.  I hope you’ve had a chance to read my About page.  I want my blog to have a strong personal touch.  I don’t want you to feel like your reading a magazine article, or series of dull essays.  There are several blogs I read and the ones I’m drawn to most are the personal blogs.  I love and admire their honesty.  There is something so strongly endearing when a person is completely honest about themselves and open themselves up for all to see their flaws.  We are all works of art in the making.  I think if I were a piece of art I would be a watercolor, a blend of light, muted colors, mixed with vibrant hues.  Perhaps a river, on a journey to who knows where.  If you were a piece of art what would you be?

%d bloggers like this: