by Dandy

With so much emphasis on gratitude and how it positively affect our lives, I would like to focus on self-gratitude.  When we have self-gratitude, we can appreciate ourselves without any outside influence.  It can be difficult to do, but it is one of the most powerful things we will ever do.

There are so many wonderful books and articles that focus on self-improvement.  There is only one thing that makes the advice and tools work or not – the user.  It’s how the user feels about themself that will determine if the self-improvement technique will work.  That is the key to positive change.  Gratitude is a powerful attitude that will bring results and self-gratitude can change everything about your life. 

We all play the “lets beat ourselves up” game.  We replay over in our heads the mistakes we made, regrets we have.  We tell ourselves we’re not good enough.  It is a self-defeating cycle that is heart breaking.  So learning self-gratitude requires that we begin to appreciate ourselves where we are less than satisfied with our choices.  It’s time to give ourselves a break already

One way to do that is to write out a done list.  Not the things we need to do, but have already done for ourselves.  We are the most important person in our lives. If we fail to recognize the things we do for ourselves, we will be discounting our value.

Always start by being grateful for what is.  If we make ourselves a delicious breakfast, acknowledge and feel the gratitude.  Write down everything on the list that we’ve done for ourselves, even if it’s finishing the laundry.  Also the needed time to refocus and recharge and let the gratitude felt, spread to the other things we do.

Eventually we’ll see our done lists get longer and longer.  The magic that happens from having self-gratitude is we will find that we get better at the things we do.  As we start to have more appreciation for ourselves there will be less and less beating ourselves up. 

As we write our life done list and our daily done list we can get creative and even crazy.  No one else needs to see the lists.  We will shine in our own excellence.



62 Comments to “Self-gratitude”

  1. Dandy,
    This is an excellent post! It is so easy to beat ourselves up when we tend to have so much compassion for others who may be in the same situation!

    I love the idea of the “life done” and “daily done” list! I am going to try that. To shine in our own excellence!! Wow…that’s great!

    Thanks for a thought-evoking start to my day!

    • Hi Jen!
      Glad I could help! Don’t forget to put some of that humor you’re known for onto your lists! I’ll bet you’ll think of some fun, zany things! Take care Jen!

  2. Hi Dandy,

    It is so important that we love and show appreciation for ourselves. Some may think that’s being selfish, but I don’t think so. If we don’t appreciate ourselves then no one else will. How can we truly show gratitude for someone or something else, when we haven’t gotten it right with ourselves.

    I love your done list. I’ll give this a try.

    Have a great week!


    • Hi Evelyn!
      I’m glad you like the idea of Done Lists. It’s fun when you can think of some really crazy things! Not only will we be able to appreciate ourselves, but we can make ourselves laugh! Take care Evelyn!

  3. Dandy, this is a great reminder for us that it’s okay to stop and reflect on the good things we’ve been able to do. We certainly do a good job of focusing on our flaws when we’ve messed up, don’t we? I have had to learn this lesson and it’s still an ongoing battle for me. I can be pretty hard on myself. I’m learning about gratitude and its effect on our future, and it starts with being grateful for what I’ve been allowed to do. I think that gratitude takes us beyond so that we are grateful for what good is happening in the world – and there IS good happening in our world. Every single day.

    • Hi Bryan,
      I also struggle with being hard on myself. That’s why I love writing Done Lists. It reminds me of my accomplishments even the little ones like playing with the dog 🙂 And your right there is alot of good in our world! Thanks for commenting Bryan!

  4. I got up out of bed this morning – DONE!
    I brushed my teeth (…and that only helps my smile!) – DONE!
    I talked to the cat today (and he rolled over on command!!) – DONE!
    I had good one on one time with one of my kids this morning – DONE!!
    I squeezed my rubber duckie (wait…does that one sound weird…maybe this list shouldn’t be public!!! –> he is a real rubber duckie, though, that I keep at my desk!) – DONE!!

    Dandy!! I’m feelin’ all sorts of good right now – I’ve DONE a lot for me already today!!!


    And you know what else – I smiled today (DONE!) – and that’s because of Y-O-U!!!!!

  5. I am with you Lance!


    Quack! Quack!


    What are you grateful for this time of the year that is never present the rest of the year?

    Do you see and discover different outdoor wildlife this time of year that you are grateful for?

    Are you grateful for time indoors to read, write, cook, listen to music, create, tie fishing flies?

    I experienced the ‘Diamond Dust’ phenomenon years back in the Soviet Union…somthing special for a California

    “We replay over in our heads the mistakes we made, regrets we have.”

    When I do this the quick way out of is to remember:

    The awesome events and friends that I have had.

    The friends that I do have.

    The new friends that I can have.

    The awesome events that are yet to unfold

    Thank you for this…

    • Hi Rand,
      You have a really beautiful spirit and it shows in this comment. I’m definately grateful for the time I take for myself. It’s the best kind of rejuvination. It sounds like you’ve allowed yourself some great experiences and that is definately something to write on your Done List! You’re right the most awesome are yet to unfold! Quack! Quack! LOL!

  6. Oh Dandy this is a beautiful post – you really do write so well and you can tell it is from the heart!

    I am world champion in self-depreciation! I so often forget what I have achieved but rather focus on what I haven’t done yet. When I had a career coach we used to do an exercise where she would summarise what I had achieved in the last fortnight – it was amazing how hard it was for me to hear what I had done. I would say ‘yeah, but…’ and then bang on about what I haven’t done yet. By the end of our time together (6 months) I was a lot better.

    Thank you for reminding me to take note and time out to reflect on what I have done 🙂

    • Hi Juanita!
      Wow, what a great compliment, thanks! I understand where you’re coming from. I too have focused on what I don’t like about myself – to the detriment of all my excellence. It can be so much fun to write a Done List. Especially when you write about some of the really silly things you’ve done. I love the exercises that make us smile! Thanks so much Juanita! Take care!

  7. This is great! I am so busy being grateful for stuff out there I forget to be grateful for me!

    I especially need to think about this as a mom right now. I have been focused lately on things I failed to do as a mom. I’m going to sit down and make a list of all the things I did do! And continue to do, like getting up with a sick kid in the middle of the night last night. And this kid is almost 19! Doesn’t matter–they still want Mommy when they are sick.

    This was a perfect and timely reminder to me. You have no idea how grateful I am for this right now.

    And Lance–great list!

    • Hi Galen!
      Wow! You sound like a great Mom! You’re right, we do still want our mothers when we are sick 🙂 When we get caught up in life it’s hard to forget what we have already acomplished. Everyone needs to tone down the to do list and just sit back and feel grateful for our own capabilities and accomplishments! I’m really happy this post helped you out Galen! You’re a terrific lady!

  8. I have a choice at the end of every day: I can feel regret over the things that I didn’t get done, or I can feel happy and fulfilled at the things I have done. I know what I’d choose 🙂

    • Hi Stuart,
      That’s exactly it! Why sit in judgement of ourselves when we have indeed made a contribution. It’s time to focus on what we have done right! Thanks Stu!

  9. This is right on. It helps to make a document with things people have said about you — clients. followers, friends. and what you have been able to do .Always chomping at the bit for the next victory can get old. Tho i’m guilty of same. Actually stopping to reflect on whatever is happening in that moment is really amazing. That’s passionate presence.

    • Hi Satya,
      Thanks for reading my post! Writing out a Done List can help us see past motivations and acomplishments. It can help us acheive our goals and rest easy that they will come to fruition. I’m glad you liked this Satya! Take care!

  10. Great idea Dandy I am all for a done list. Sure bets the heck out of the to-do-list that we bet ourselves up with everyday. From now on I shall make up my done list at the end of the day and as I get things done the next day I will know that I am building that done list. I really like your thinking. Thanks many bunches.

    • Hi Debbie,
      I’m glad you liked my idea. You may find it really increasing your productivity during the day. It feels great to write a done list. It gives a sense of completion. Thanks Debbie!

  11. Hi Dandy,

    Wonderful post on gratitude! You have approached the subject from a different angle. Self gratitude is crucial for our well being. After all, if we don’t appreciate what we do for ourselves, how can others appreciate what we do for them? It also help to have a list to go over it every day. This post is great. Thanks for sharing my friend 🙂

    • Hi Dia,
      It’s always so nice to have you comment on my blog! Self-gratitude is a gift we give ourselves. It allows us to set our standards higher for ourselves. It puts us in a place where we require people to treat us better and feel that we are worth it. Thanks so much Dia! Take care!

  12. Hi Dandy,

    Excellent choice of topic you have chosen to write about! I love your penetrating insight here, “Gratitude is a powerful attitude that will bring results and self-gratitude can change everything about your life.” If we fail to appreciate ourselves and our achievements, we will not amount to much in life anyway.

    I like your suggestions about writing a done list and focusing on what is. This may seem simple, but it can have a profound impact on our lives if we keep it up.

    We could also take the time to be grateful for the skills we have taken the time to master. We may take them for granted now, but at one point, we struggled to learn them before we reach our level of mastery. How many people can do the things we do the way we do them? Not many and it is something to be grateful for because we can provide value to the people we love in this manner.

    Thank you for sharing this lovely article! 🙂

    Irving the Vizier

    • Hi Irving!
      Thanks so much for your great compliment! We do need to appreciate ourselves otherwise our progress is in vain. When we recognize our accomplishments and uniqueness we see ourselves in a brighter light. I think we all need to see ourselves in a brighter light. What can it hurt? Thanks Irving, I appreciate your comment!

  13. Helllllo Dandy!

    This is such a cool spin on “getting things done”, because it is actually “Things I have already accomplished” list. What a great way to boost our own confidence, morale and self-worth!

    Dandy, you’re a freakin’ genius!

    • Hi Keith,
      Wow, a genius? Ok, I am a genius 🙂 No, I just found a way that really helps with motivation and has us appreciate ourselves more. We all have enough to do lists that never end. To me that seems negative. So I’m glad you like this idea! Thanks so much Keith!!

  14. Dandy,

    I love the idea of a “done” list. That will be a great way to start or finish a day. Why don’t people think this way in the first place. I just don’t understand why our nature is one that is of concern and self doubt. It just seems to come natural. The benefits of self confidence and understanding your worth are numerous yet many people prefer to focus on their shortcomings instead of their successes.

    This is a great idea that I will implement immediately.

    • Hi Frank,
      I’m glad your going to try this, because it really feels good to see how we contribute to the world and ourselves. You know how great it feels to cross something off a to do list? This just amps that up! It also motivates us to keep going, because of the satisfaction we’ll feel writing it on the Done List. You are right about our natures being of conern and doubt. I think we grow up with it. We see our parents worry over money and not having enough time in the day. We pick this up and think that’s just the way it is. We grow up thinking life is struggle after struggle. We grow up with pain and negativity. The journey to self-esteem, authenticity, positivity, and inner peace means questioning everything we were brought up with, and this can be uncomfortable and distressing. But once we see that things can be different and that we can be helped – it is an open doorway to a life more fullfilling. Thanks so much for your great comment Frank!

  15. Greetings I discovered your webpage by mistake when i was searching AOL for this matter, I must say your webpage is absolutely valuable I also enjoy the layout, its great!

  16. Dandy,
    I dropped off hubs lunch today. I praised a friend today. I talked to two daughters today. I ran 3 miles today. Done!

  17. Hi Dandy. I love the idea of self-gratitude. I’m grateful for my life and a little self-love is yummy! I hugged my kids, loved M, promoted a stranger, sent some healing to non-clients, chatted to a lonely friend, and smiled. Done! Days only just started. You have a cool name. Love and peace, Simon.

    • Hi Simon!
      Yes! Self-love is yummy!! I’m glad you are taking inventory of all the wonderful ways you contribute to the world and to yourself! Your Done List get a bright gold star! Thanks Simon. I’d love to hear from you again! Take care!

  18. I love the DONE LIST idea Dandy. That is such a great idea implement. I always have a working to-do list…and I really need to track my wins . I get caught up in having lots on my plate getting things done and rarely take the time to acknowledge my wins. I need to take a break and give myself some credit and celebrate. If I don’t rest the engine, in time it will seize (create stress).
    Dandy – this was great article…I’ve put together 5 things that I’ve completed today, that I’ve been working on for weeks…I’m going to use this system as a quick motivational tool. Thank you Dandy!

    • Hi Jk,
      I’m so happy I could help. In writing the Done List I find it really helps me to see my progress and it gets me motivated to get things done just so I can write them out on my Done List. It also helps me to see that I do alot throughout the day and there is alot of progress that I wouldn’t notice otherwise! Thanks so much Jk!

  19. One will not have any capacity to be grateful to others, when he/she don’t know how to have self-gratitude. It is like love. We will never know how to love others truly, if we don’t even know how to love ourselves. Creating a list is a great idea too. Thanks for the insight, eh.

  20. HI Dandy,

    This is such a wonderful idea. It’s so easy to focus on all that we have to do and never stop to appreciate what we’ve really done and accomplished. I found this to be a crucial point about this process, “When we have self-gratitude, we can appreciate ourselves without any outside influence.” People will come and go in our lives so our most dependable friend is our self! I appreciate this creative and joyful approach to befriending our self. Thank you.

    • Hi Sandra,
      Thanks for your lovely compliment! We need to be better friends to ourselves. Compliments from others is great, but they are even better when they come from us! Take care Sandra!

  21. This blog was unbelievably helpful. Your the man. lol 🙂

  22. I see that there is another Evelyn in your comment box as well. Well, this is Evelyn from Singapore. Love the idea of a Done List! Let’s see what I’ve done today. I am happy to have brought two out-of-town relatives for a nice meal and entertained them for the entire afternoon all on my own. I consider it a great accomplishment. I am giving myself a *pat* on my back!

    • Hi Evelyn from Singapore! I’m so happy you like the idea of the Done List. Once we start doing this we see all the wonderful ways we contribute to others and ourselves! We need to be grateful for ourselves! Thanks so much Evelyn! Take care!

  23. Bang on Dandy! With so many others out there ready to pull us down, criticise us, and demean our accomplishments, we should ensure we don’t do the same to ourselves. A self pat on the back each day for efforts made is often all we need to feel good about who we are. Follow it with a little, “well done”, we can then sleep soundly ready to do it all again the next day. Sleep well Dandy and thanks for a reminder to appreciate ‘me’ as much as I do others.

    • Hi John,
      Thanks so much for your compliment! We do need a strong sense of self in order to not fall into the “beat myself” up game. Knowing who we truely are means bringing our good qualities into the light. Writing out a done list at the end of the day is the best way to get a good nights sleep:) Thanks again John! Take care!

  24. Found this blog on my friend’s facebook page and I love your articles. Keep it up.

  25. hello dandy
    how are you?
    thanks for emphasizing on the need to appreciate & celebrate who we are and what we do.
    i always tell my wife, it’s not easy being ayo(as well as being anyone else lol!!) and acknowledging those simple things in my life goes a long way.
    a done list works well for me. i guess it sets the mood or tone for the day, boost my level of optimism and confidence, makes me organised and provides the reassurance that things will be okay no matter the difficulties that pose a threat.
    i am of the opinion self gratitude cant be played down
    take care and enjoy the rest of the day

    • Hi Ayo!
      I find that we often don’t take care of ourselves. We’re too busy just trying to get caught up that we forget to appreciate ourselves. We need to say thank-you to ourselves. After all, it isn’t being us:) Thanks so much Ayo. Wonderful hearing from you! Take care!

  26. Hi Dandy! I love the idea of appreciating ourselves daily. I try to do in the moment but a list to remind us is also a good idea. I love the feeling of accomplishment. The more we appreciate the things we do, even if small ones, the more we love ourselves. Self-gratitude is a form of self-care. Gratitude and appreciation are great daily exercises to bring more happiness into our lives.
    Thanks for the reminder. Loving blessings!

    • Hi Andrea,
      Thanks so much for your comment. We truely do need to be grateful for ourselves and the wonderful things we do. The feeling of acomplishment is so satisfying!! Take care Andrea!

  27. Hi Dandy,
    Have been a big believer & user of self gratitude for some time now. Enjoyed your article. My daughter bought me The Secret Gratitude book some time back. Was only yesterday flicking through & reviewing the lists of gratitude I had made the last 4-5 years.
    Be good to yourself, David

    • Hi David,
      Thanks so much for your comment on my blog! I’ve never heard of The Secret Gratitude, so I’m glad you mentioned it – it sounds right up my alley. I’m also glad you practise self-graditude. It really does make us more confident and feel more worthy of good things! Thanks again David. I hope to hear from you again!

  28. I could see why you have self-gratitude judging from the pretty profile pic. 🙂

    Good article.

  29. We must show we are happy for what we have and appreciate it. A gratitude list is the best. It’s a way to express yourself in the most humbling way. Quite extraordinary.

  30. Oh yeah great post forgot that part. Have a wonderful Valentines day.

  31. Hi Dandy, I like the idea of the done list and the daily done list. This set of exercises exemplify a saying that I hold dearly, “bring yourself to account each night…” The purpose here is express gratitude (in the most prayerful way) for the day, the universe (family, friends, God/great being, acquaintances, etc…) and most importantly, the “Self” at the end of the day.

    Come to think of it…considering that I am visiting your post, via Sybil’s post, “How to Begin Each Day in an Amazing Way” (which talked about waking up with the intention to do something special for someone), I think that your “daily done list” exercise compliments her suggested practice for the morning. What a great way for someone to learn how mindfully begin and end the day!

    • Hi,
      Thanks so much for checking out my blog! This post does have a match with Sibyl’s post! It’s important to begin and end each day in a positive way. Holding ourselves accountable keeps us on the right path. Thanks for your smart comment. I hope to hear from you again! Take care!

  32. Hi Dandy,
    That’s a powerful distinction you make here – “There is only one thing that makes the advice and tools work or not – the user.” This is so true. Tried and true principles will always work if you work them. The done list is great example. If we make it a daily habit through repetition it can lead to tremendous shifts in mood and attitude. If we do it once and say “well that didn’t work…” we’ll prove ourselves correct!

    • Hi Rob! You are right, daily habits can lead to tremendous changes in our lives. The tecniques do work IF we work them. It’s all up to us to make that commitment for improvement! Thanks for your comment Rob. It’s always nice to hear from you! Take care!

  33. These are outstanding. I shall put forgiveness as tops…without it the rest seem impossible to do. Awesome list. Something you could turn into an ebook.

  34. Hey Dandy,

    We are our own worst critic. I think sometimes we have to re-evaluate ourselves and look at the bigger picture. We are all prone to errors but I do agree with you, we must learn how to appreciate our own talents, gifts and achievements. Like your “Done List” there though.

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