Accept and be free

by Dandy

There is so much stress coming at us from all directions.  Some of it is avoidable, some is not.  Sometimes we bring it upon ourselves by trying to fix people or wishing they would change.  Learning to accept things and people for what and who they are means stepping out of the self-imposed stress and letting go.

There are people we look at and see what they are doing wrong and the various ways they could improve themselves and their lives.  That is judgement.   We are all guilty of it.  Sometimes that judgement can cause us anguish and heavy amounts of stress.  When we are wrapped up tightly around people who have qualities we disapprove of it affects us in profoundly negative ways. 

People are who they are.  Just because we see room for improvement in their lives doesn’t mean they’ll change.  People won’t change because we want them to be happier, better, or different.  No matter how many times we kiss a frog it will still be a frog.

Start by choosing to accept yourself.  We all pick ourselves apart at times.  Women especially are notorious for this.  When we feel we aren’t good enough we either have high expectations of our partners, or have none at all.  Just because we feel a person should be a certain way doesn’t mean they will feel obligated to meet those expectations.  Nobody is obligated to adopt or adhere to our belief system.  Do not speak or think the words, “ought to”, “should”, or ,”why can’t she”.  If you are profoundly unhappy with someone, move on and away from them if possible.  If the someone is someone you can’t say toodles to, strictly limit your time with them.  Look after your own well-being.

That’s the wonderful benefit of learning to accept others for who they are…it frees you from having to problem solve, giving unwanted help, and unsolicited advice.  It frees you from all the energy it takes to try to change someone.  Take all that precious energy and put it into your precious self. 

Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the anacceptable. – Denis Waitley

What are the things you need to stop judging yourself on?  Who have you been trying to change?  Can you wish them well on their journey and let go?

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36 Responses to “Accept and be free”

  1. Hi Dandy,
    Great post! 😉

    I need to stop telling myself that no one likes me because it appears that I have no friends and that no one cares. In actuality, I really do have a great group people who inspire me everyday. But I guess it’s just my little judgment on myself.

    I don’t try to change people. I gave that up a long time ago. Just like you’ve mentioned in your post, people will be people. I accept them at face value and move on. Whenever I disagree with someone else’s view, I accept it just as that. They have their way of thinking and belief system and I have mine.

    I love the quote that you have shared. I’ve got to jot that one down. 🙂

    Take care,

    Evelyn

    • Hi Evelyn,
      Thanks so much for your comment. It is hard to stop judging ourselves, but when we take a deeper look we can see that we are hung up on others expectations of us. Having alot of friends is nice, but having quality friendships are so much more important than having quantity. I’ve never been much of a social butterfly and used to feel bad about that, because my sister always had a crowd around her. Well that worked for her. Not me. I enjoy having a small group of friends where there is true connection and intimacy. Accepting ourselves means to understand what works for someone may not neccisarily work for you. We all have different needs and that’s ok!! Your wonderful and I hope you concider me to be in that great group who inspire you!! You certainely inspire me:)

  2. Boy, you hit the nail on the head with this article. I was always thinking I could change my x husband until I realize no amount of love could do that. He was who he wanted to be. End of story. After realizing this, I knew it was time to work on me and find out why I made the choices that I made. It did free me up to make good choices for myself. I have found that children can be like this too. They are going to be who they want to be when they become adults and all we can do is be there if they want our advise. Great article Dandy and thanks for the reminder.
    Debbie

    • Hi Debbie!!
      I’m glad you liked my article. It’s wonderful how freeing it can be to accept people for who they are. It has helped me in my relationship with my sweetheart. Instead of trying to make him better, I can just enjoy who he is. It is worth my while to work on myself and just myself! Thanks for your comment Debbie!

  3. Hi Dandy,

    I’ve been thinking of writing an article on acceptance for sometime, but I have never gotten down to it yet. I’m glad you address the issue here because acceptance is truly important in dealing with challenges.

    Judgment and expectations are the result of not being able to accept people for who they are. It is easy and natural for us to project our standards onto others. After all we are most familiar with our standards. But these standards as you have rightly pointed out, filter our perception of loved ones. When you interact with people through filters, there are bound to be problems. By accepting people for who there are, we let go of our judgments and expectations.

    Another point I would like to raise is that we often have problems dealing with a challenge because we cannot accept a change in the status quo. Although events have moved on, we are still stuck in the past. As such, every action or inaction on our part is an attempt to return to the former status quo. Only when we accept the change in the status quo can we hope to move on and deal with the challenge at hand.

    I think the serenity prayer is a great reminder of the theme of acceptance:

    “God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.”

    Thank you for sharing this post! 🙂

    • Hello, your point is perfect. You are so right about accepting the status quo. There are certain things we just cannot change no matter how much energy we put into it. We can only work on ourselves, making ourselves better and stronger individuals. I love the serenty prayer. Thanks for adding that too! Take care!

  4. hello dandy
    how are you?
    your article focuses a bit on cross examining ourselves as well as embracing our authenticity not forgetting adopting a good habit of notbeing in to much of a haste to judge people.
    when it comes to relating with people i feel we should be realistic and moderate with our expectations and this prevents us from getting hurt, expending so much physical and emotional energy but the most important i guess is creating enemies(i could be wrong)
    take care and enjoy the rest of the day

    • Hi Ayo,
      You are right. We have to be realistic with our expectatons of people. A little healthy emotional distance is good for us. I believe it absolutley does keep us from getting hurt and possibley hurting others! Thanks for your comment Ayo!

  5. Hi Dandy,

    I’m so glad you are writing on this topic! There is so much wisdom in this article. It’s true – we can tie ourselves into knots trying to fix everyone else, instead of cleaning up our own home.

    I spent so much of my life and energy to fix other people. What a mistake! I now respect the fact that everyone has their own path and needs to go at their own pace. Struggles and challenges are a part of our path. It’s important to support each other, not try to fix each other!

    • Hi Sandra,
      You said it perfect. Accepting others for who they are is gift to them and ourselves. By accepting others and leaving it at that, we have so much more time and energy to focus on our own journeys! Thanks Sandra!

  6. Hi Dandy,

    Very nice post! We can’t change people. We can affect the, but then it is up to the person to change him or her self. Change always comes from within. We are responsible for ourselves and we have to accept ourselves and alwayes look for ways to improves ourselves. Thanks for sharing

  7. Hello Dandy.

    Good post that gives us pause and makes us realize that we cannot make others be as we wish them to be or how they once were. These situations can be discomforting or bring us relief. The best we can hope for is the strength to accept and find that inner peace.

  8. Hi Dandy! As usual, a nice reflection on life. Yes, people don’t need to change, only we need to change. Once we change our thoughts about them, what they do or don’t is no longer our concern. Like you said “learning to accept others for who they are,” that’s where the true gift lies.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Loving blessings!

    • Hi Andrea,
      You said it right…once we change our thoughts about them. That’s exactly it! There may be things we’d like to change about other, but we cannot live their journeys. Accepting people is one of the kindest things we can do for them and ourselves! Thank you Andrea!

  9. Hi Dandy,

    I have a bad habit of judging myself based on things that I can’t control. If I put together an awesome presentation that I think has the potential to change the lives of the people in attendance I will often get discouraged if I only have an audience of 2 people and one of them is me. 🙂

    • Hi Frank,
      I understand your frustration. It’s hard not to judge ourselves. It takes strong character and integrity to let certain things go. When we find ourselves hung up on something we just have to say to ourselves to let go and let God. Thanks Frank!!

  10. Dandy,
    This is my first time here, and the first article I have read. I really love this post! It is so incredibly freeing to let go of the “should” “ought”, etc. as you were saying.
    Thank you for such a poinant reminder that just a little awareness can make an incredible amount of difference in our level of happiness….and we have the power to make that happen!
    Jen

    • Hello Jen!
      Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog? I’m happy you liked it and could take away from it. It really is freeing to let go and accept people for who they are, and to love them with all their flaws. I’ll be sure to check out your blog too! Thanks Jen!

      Take care,
      Dandy

  11. Agree, acceptance is a key to peace, love and freedom.

  12. Dandy,
    This is something that I’ve thought so much about recently. This idea of judging – especially of others – and how easily we do this. (even when we don’t intend to)

    So, what you’ve shared – it’s so, so good. And what a perfect place to start – with ourselves – in love and acceptance. And from that space, I believe we so much more able to love and accept others…as they are…where they are…on their own journeys…

    • Hi Lance,
      You said it perfect, loving people where they are, as they are. To allow them to be themselves and to free ourselves from what we would like to change about them, we will have the time & energy to improve ourselves. That’s exactly where our energy should go. Thank you Lance!

  13. Accept yourself for who and where you are (and accept others in the same way) and be willing to change what needs changing to become who (and where) you are meant to be. To do that we need to stop beating ourselves up with the “should and ought to” promptings of that nasty inner critic. For some of us a very hard lesson to learn.

    Thanks for the thought provoking posts here.

    • Hi Patricia,
      Thanks so much for reading my post! You are right the inner critic can be brutal at times. We need to be kind to ourselves. We are worth the effort it takes to improve ourselves. It is the best way to spend our time and energy! Thanks Patricia!

      Dandy

  14. Dandy, it is a meaningful thing to gently nudge others to recognize the nature of their own inner judge. This shift in conscious awareness alters how people view the world and also empowers them to shift again. As people realize its up to them how they think and feel, they awaken to the powerful aspects of free will.

  15. Dandy: I thought this was a great post filled with such wisdom. I really appreciated what you said about being on the lookout for those times when we are passing judgment on people. It is definitely an easy trap to fall into, but if we are focused on making certain that we don’t judge other people, we can choose to see them differently. And, of course, as you mentioned, it is equally important to stop judging ourselves. Very great advice … thanks for sharing.

    • Hello Sibyl,
      I’m so happy you liked my post. It is true that when we stop judging people and just let them be who they are, it not only frees us from the unhealthy emotions associated with trying to fix them, but we start to see them differently automatically. Acceptance is a wonderful thing, on both sides! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog Sibyl. Come back again!

      Dandy

  16. Hi Dandy!

    WOW! Another awesome post. I love how all the things you write are at once applicable to one’s life.

    “Learning to accept things and people for what and who they are…” T=this statement and it’s meaning is where it all began to change for me. I’m not perfect at this, but I am consciously aware now and that makes a huge difference.

    Thanks Dandy!

  17. Thank you very much Evelyn. I appreciate your support!!

    Dandy

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