There are great advantages to having boundaries. We need to have them with everyone and everything. Having boundaries makes it difficult or even impossible for us to be mistreated, taken advantage of, walked on, and abused. Having boundaries shows that we respect ourselves and place great value on our self-worth.
When we have boundaries, we aren’t overly accommodating. We can recognize when something doesn’t feel right, or when something feels wrong. We know the point of when to say ENOUGH. People with boundaries can take appropriate action when needed.
When we have established our boundaries we get along better with friends, co-worker, neighbors, relatives, and partners. We discover what our values are and what our value is. It’s about knowing what we are willing to accept and what we aren’t and we commit ourselves to it. That way when people cross our boundaries (and unfortunately some will) we become empowered with the signal that something isn’t right and that action needs to be taken.
When we do not accept the crossing of our boundaries, we give attention to our basic gut instinct that keeps us safe, physically and emotionally. In keeping our boundaries strong we say no to those whose behaviour is unacceptable and inappropriate. We are saying we value ourselves.
Having boundaries is one of the most healthy things we can do for ourselves. Some of the most critical mistakes I’ve made in my own life have been when I allowed my boundaries to be crossed and I suffered needlessly for it. Having boundaries doesn’t turn us into hard s.o.b.’s. It doesn’t mean we aren’t flexible to people and life challenges.
If you need a place to start in figuring out your boundaries, look at past relationships, professional and personal. Look at what did and didn’t work. In doing this you can start to define what you can put up with and what you cannot. All relationships must have deal breakers. Write them down, put it up where you can review it often and adjust yourself to your new set of values. This is the road to self-esteem, healthy relationships, and self-worth.
The Reflective Self 