Boundaries for good health

by Dandy

There are great advantages to having boundaries.  We need to have them with everyone and everything.  Having boundaries makes it difficult or even impossible for us to be mistreated, taken advantage of, walked on, and abused.  Having boundaries shows that we respect ourselves and place great value on our self-worth.

When we have boundaries, we aren’t overly accommodating.  We can recognize when something doesn’t feel right, or when something feels wrong.  We know the point of when to say ENOUGH.  People with boundaries can take appropriate action when needed.

When we have established our boundaries we get along better with friends, co-worker, neighbors, relatives, and partners.  We discover what our values are and what our value is.  It’s about knowing what we are willing to accept and what we aren’t and we commit ourselves to it.  That way when people cross our boundaries (and unfortunately some will) we become empowered with the signal that something isn’t right and that action needs to be taken. 

When we do not accept the crossing of our boundaries, we give attention to our basic gut instinct that keeps us safe, physically and emotionally.  In keeping our boundaries strong we say no to those whose behaviour is unacceptable and inappropriate.  We are saying we value ourselves.

Having boundaries is one of the most healthy things we can do for ourselves.  Some of the most critical mistakes I’ve made in my own life have been when I allowed my boundaries to be crossed and I suffered needlessly for it.  Having boundaries doesn’t turn us into hard s.o.b.’s.  It doesn’t mean we aren’t flexible to people and life challenges.

If you need a place to start in figuring out your boundaries, look at past relationships, professional and personal.  Look at what did and didn’t work.  In doing this you can start to define what you can put up with and what you cannot.  All relationships must have deal breakers.  Write them down, put it up where you can review it often and adjust yourself to your new set of values.  This is the road to self-esteem, healthy relationships, and self-worth.

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26 Comments to “Boundaries for good health”

  1. With over a decade of working in the healthcare field I have learned the importance of boundaries and could not practice without them. I am a firm believer that I provide a better service when keeping my boundaries in mind with everything I do. Thanks for the reminder!!

    • Hi Mandy,
      Yes, this is a perfect example of how one needs boundraries…..it makes you better at what you do! Also others benefit by you having boundaries. You are able to better serve when your boundaries are in place and you have self-respect!! Perfect!
      Thanks so much for your support,
      Dandy

  2. Hi Dandy,

    Very nice job! Having boundaries in life is crucial, it shows that we love and respect ourselves the most, which is really necessary for every human being. If we don’t have boundaries and limits, then we give others the chance to hurt us, so we absaloutly need to set boundaries. Thanks for sharing

    • Dia!!
      I couldn’t agree more. Boundries is the best way we can be friends to ourselves and honor ourselves! If we don’t have self-respect it makes it all too easy for others to hurt us and encroach where they shouldn’t. I like to think that there are more good than bad people in the world, but one still needs wisdom and self-protection! Thanks for your comment. I enjoy hearing from you!! Take care.

  3. Agree!

    Boundaries keep us safe and helps us to feel we do have limits. We can’t be all things to all people and boundaries provide this awareness.

    Alex

  4. Hi Dandy! I totally understand your point that boundaries can help us have healthier relationships. Our boundaries also fluctuate based on who we interact with. We might have looser boundaries with family members and close friends than with strangers. Flexibility can be the key when working with boundaries.
    Thanks for the thought provoking post. Loving blessings!

    • Andrea!!
      Thanks for reading my blog. I’m so happy you like it! Boundries is such a big topic. I found that I could go on and on writing about it. So I think I’ll definatley write about it more in the future. Thanks for your comment! Take care.

  5. Boundaries are such a gift we can give to ourselves. They scream self respect and whisper you are safe. It’s an invaluable component of self-care and can be adapted as we change and grow. Some can be like a do not disturb sign and others more flexible but they all show that we value ourselves enough to take into consideration what is for our highest good. Very nice post…thank you. 🙂

    • Hi there! I love your comment and I agree wholeheartedly! I like how you put screat self-respect and whisper that we are safe. That’s a perfect way of putting it. Thanks so much for reading my blog!!
      Take care, Dandy

  6. Another perspective is boundaries are simply an illusion of the mind.

  7. Hi Dandy,

    I agree with you about boundaries. When we do not draw the line with people, they might take it as license to walk all over us and take advantage of us as you say. That’s not to suggest that everyone is like that, but it helps to protect yourself from those select few.

    Of course some people may come to resent the boundaries placed especially if they were not there before. It helps to be tactful in getting your point across since nothing is gained if we approach matters in a confrontational manner. By explaining the need for boundaries from the other person’s point of view and highlighting how it would benefit the relationship in the long run, this lays the foundation for a stronger bond. If the person is unwilling to accept your boundaries, then they probably never had your interests at heart.

    Thanks for sharing this post!

    • Hi there, I like your point about somebody not accepting our boundries. I probably should have wrote on that more. It is critical to know how to deal with the person who won’t accept our boundries. It’s important to know that the person may not have our best interest at heart and ties need to be cut loose. Thanks for your comment. I enjoy hearing from you!
      Take care, Dandy

  8. Excellent post, Dandy. If we don’t make boundaries, we could be setting ourselves up to be door mats.

  9. This is a great topic. Boundaries are important and at the same time it is important that our boundaries do not become walls. Some people have the tendancy to establish boundaries and use them to build walls which may keep out more that we want kept out and also may lock in our light. I suggest we draw our boundaries in pencil so that we are able to make adjustments along the way. I do believe that as we grow to live in spirit that the need for boundaries dissipates as we learn that no one can harm us and that all that happens does so for a reason. We learn that to be open and to allow is greater than the need to establish boundaries to protect our self.
    Thanks for provoking thought.

  10. “Having boundaries is one of the most healthy things we can do for ourselves” Couldn’t agree more!

  11. So true!! When I first met your mom, she let me know what was what to have a friendship with her. And it worked!!! Thirty-some years later……..best friends!!!!! Love ya, Margie

  12. As a therapist I found women have the hardest time saying no t o others. I taught them one line…No, that’s not going to work for me. Then pause and repeat once more. When we say yes to what we don’t want we say no to what we do want. Saying no is self respect and a boundary.

    • Hi Tess,
      I completely agree with you. I think it is harder for women to say no and establish boundries. We have to play so many roles to so many people. We are thrust into the role of caretaker, sometimes whether we want to or not. People often place unfairly high expectations upon us. This is why it is critical to have boundries. I believe we become better people with boundries. It is how we take care of ourselves!! Thanks for your support Tess. You’re great!
      Dandy

  13. hello dandy
    how are you?
    you’ve raised important issues on setting boundaries.
    i believe it prevents us from being patronized, ridiculed andtakn advantage off. it also helps to define and gives our relationships meaning.
    at times it protects our vulnerability and allows us stay in control of various relationships established using our head and heart where necessary.
    take care and enjoy the rest of the day

    • Hello Ayo,
      We are definately on the same page. Relationships can only be made stronger by having boundries. They bring good health in every sense of the word. Thanks for all you wonderful comments Ayo. I always look forward to hearing from you!
      Take care, Dandy

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