How rude!!!

by Dandy

 No matter who you are or where you live we all have one thing in common…at one point or another we encounter impolite, rude, tactless, uncouth people.  There are varying degrees of rudeness.  Some can be easily overlooked and forgotten, and sometimes the offense is startling and cruel.

It’s not easy to deal with rudeness especially if this is a person you encounter everyday, such as a co-worker, neighbor, or relative.  However, there are strategies you can take that make dealing with such people easier for you.

The most important thing for you to do is to never, ever react with rudeness in return.  Forget it.  You may want to reply with a witty, sharp comment, but this doesn’t resolve the problem.  It only encourages the banter of tactlessness (I think that’s a word).  It also reflects poorly on you.

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  Make it difficult for them to be rude to you by being sweet as maple syrup.  Kill the rudeness with kindness.  It’s not fun being rude to a person who is really nice and polite.

Try to look past the outward behavior.  Remember there is a reason for everything.  I was once at a second-hand clothing store, standing in a long check out line.  The cashier was frenzied and fumbling in her stress.  She was curt and short to every person who checked out their items ahead of me.  When it was my turn to check out I smiled at the cashier, made eye contact, said a bright,” hello”.  Then I complimented her on her pretty accent.  She told me where she was from and it was a place I’ve always wanted to travel to.  By this brief chit-chat her entire countenance changed.  She even laughed!  As I left, she cheerfully told me to have a great day.  I’ve been back to this store a few more times and she always remembers me, and greets me with a smile.  I’d like to give the credit to my charm, but really it was just genuine kindness.  I gave the poor, frenzied cashier some slack.  We all need a break now and then.  Treat people like a friend.  Talk politely.  Smile. Watch them change.

Another thing to know when it comes to dealing with rude people is to be honest.  If this rudeness is a reoccurring thing, tell them their behavior and/or comments are not appreciated and they shouldn’t expect you to accept it any longer.  In many cases, the rude person doesn’t know their actions hurt others.  But bringing it to their attention will cause them to take a look at their behavior.  Stand up for yourself, but do so in a positive manner.

Assess the behavior.  Sometimes a person just doesn’t have social graces or may have some mild social anxiety.  This is very different from a blatantly rude individual whose comments are said with purposeful intention.  Assertive communication is needed for hurtful, cutting comments not someone who is socially awkward.

Remain detached.  If you are not only dealing with a rude individual, but a profoundly negative one, smile and don’t say anything.  Don’t get involved.  This type of person is seeking a reaction, a negative one.  It’s what they feed on.  Try observing and then tell yourself, “what a shame this person is so negative.  This unhappiness has nothing to do with me.”

If nothing else say goodbye.  If ignoring, confronting, detaching doesn’t work, it may be in your best interest to move on.  This can be particularly difficult if the person who is making the rude comments is a close friend.  For example, if  a friend is persistently making disparaging comments about your weight, or relationship, or parenting style and it is tearing you up, then it may be time to move on and away from this person.  Wish them well and say goodbye.

It’s hard not to take rude comments personally.  We do not have to respond to every thoughtless comment.  You won’t be any less of a person if you choose to walk away from the rude person.

“Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it”.  Rene Descartes

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37 Comments to “How rude!!!”

  1. Thanks Dandy…it’s like you just knew I had to deal with a rude coworker. Tomorrow I will try to be nicer, moving on soon too should help.

    • Hi Mandy,
      I hope it does help you to deal with this co-worker. Just remember it is really difficult to be rude to someone who is really nice, so might as well make it difficult for that person to be rude. Good luck and let me know what happens!

      Dandy

  2. Hi Dandy,

    This is a well thought out post on rudeness.

    I love your point on looking past outward behaviour. It is so easy for us to focus on the superficial that we do not look deeper or place ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Of course this is harder when dealing with rudeness; especially when anger clouds our judgement. But even so, it is good to practice looking deeper into any matter so that when the day comes to face rudeness, we will look beyond the surface out of habit.

    I think it is very important to be honest and upfront as well. We cannot expect people to be mind readers. What is acceptable to them may not be acceptable to us. Being honest in a tactful way helps to put everyone on the same page.

    In the end, walking away may be the best solution. Since the rude person clearly cannot respect you, there is no point putting up with the rudeness as well. If a close friend persistently makes disparaging comments, then you truly have to evaluate the basis of the friendship. The length of years you’ve known them does not justify their rude or put down comments.

    Thanks for sharing!

    • Hi,
      Thanks for your reply. I think it’s important to be honest with people . It’s true no one is a mind reader. Sometimes you can’t ignore the behavior and have to try to resolve it directly. If there’s a chance to be on the same page with someone than you have to take that chance. Thanks for you insight!!

      Dandy

  3. Now I really wonder where you accuired all this wisdom for one so young. Now everyone should know that when you say Dandy, I lose another button of my shirt. (^^)

    • Hi,
      I don’t know if it’s wisdom as much as it is experience. Having worked in customer service I’ve really learned how important it is to be nice & polite. I guess I was just taught manners!!

      Dandy

  4. Very good observations on rudeness and being tactful Dandy. And you are right about trying to be nice and friendly. I have found that it really works quite often, even when I get a trouble take or an awkward look. I just smile on!

  5. hello dandy,
    how are you?
    thanks for sharing this post because it’ so real. while i believe it’s important we exhibit a bit of assertiveness(constructively) in our dealings with rude/patronizing individuals we need to take on board your suggestions.
    with reference to those who gain pleasure from being rude to feed their desires, i just think avoid them if you can or make conscious efforts to ignore their comments or actions.
    finally there’s no point matching rudeness for rudeness; because two wrongs dont make a right and as you’ve pointed out it reflects poorly on us and we just engage in unnecssary banter.
    take care and enjoy the rest of the day.

    • Hi Ayo,
      Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. I’m glad you liked my post. I thought alot of people could relate. We have all met up with rude folks. I agree it is best to avoid or ignore, but if that can’t be done than it’s important to assert yourself. It’s unpleasent but neccessary. I’m so glad you found my blog Ayo and are enjoying it! Take care.
      Dandy

  6. Hi Dandy,

    It is very important to stay detached and not let the rudeness affect us. Telling the “rude” person that he/she is being rude and we don’t appreciate their negativity, usually does wonders. Thanks for sharing

  7. Dandy,

    This was great. I work in a call center and I have the pleasure of speaking with people from all walks of life. Some people are just naturally rude. I believe they came out of the womb and started flipping off the doctor because they didn’t like the color blue on them.

    My best techniuqe is to kill people with kindness and it has never failed me yet. I mean the ruder they become the nicer I am to them. I even ask them if there is something I can do to make them more at ease with me. If you want a quick laugh here is a post about one of my experience. I Will Kill You..

    • Frank! Thanks for checking out my blog and your reply. I clicked on your link and loved the post. In fact I looked at seveal posts and you have a fantastic blog!! I love how there is humor weaving through it. I really enjoyed it. Thanks again for your thoughtful reply!! Take care.
      Dandy

  8. Awesome post Dandy!! Woo.. i agree with your points! i agree with the idea of being honest with rude peepz! that’s the fact. thanks for sharing have fun.

    PS: i felt like running away when i saw that pic… lol have fun.

  9. Thanks for the great advice Dandy. I love you website.

    It’s helpful to remind ourselves that when people are rude, it says a lot more about them and than it does about us. Great idea about being as sweet as maple syrup!

    James

  10. “Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it”. Rene Descartes

    Who ever said Rene didn’t have any SWAG was lying. What a quote ( whoo), and I’m not the type to raise the ego of someone, even though he is no longer living.

    He was a great philosopher and this post matches his ideologies. Rudeness is unnecessary, but I sometimes catch myself doing the opposite of what I preach at time. Dodging the urge to curse back to suck your teeth towards the person who has offended you can be hard at times. It’s habit and habits are hard to break. But with persistence, you can and so can I.

    Sweet post, Dandy.

    • Hi, Thanks for your reply & I’m totally with you. Descartes is the man. It is hard to squelch the urge to come back with an equally rude comment. There have been times when I didn’t. The second I replied rudely back felt nice, but the seconds and moments afterward I felt foolish and petty and regretful at how I presented myself. A lesson learned the hard way is still a lesson learned. It feels much better to take the high road! Thanks so much for looking at my blog. I’m glad you like it. More good stuff to come!

      Dandy

  11. Hello Dandy,

    This is my first visit to your blog and I think it is awesome!

    This post is great, and it is so relevant. Everyone deals with this on a regular basis and you have provided real, very useful advice on how to handle it. Kudos to you! I agree with you totally!

    Thanks!

  12. Looking forward to more!!

  13. This is such a fantastic post. I love how you were so nice to that poor cashier who was having a rough day. Customer service jobs can be just awful sometimes and I’m sure you made her day by being friendly.

    And that quote is fantastic; I’m saving it so I can remember it often.

    • Thank you Michelle,
      I’m glad you liked the post! I’m having alot of fun with this blog. I’m overwhelmed by all the thoughtfull replies and support I’ve recieved since starting, and to think it all started by me reading Oh Mishka. That was when I started up an interest in blogs!! Thanks for your thoughtfullness!!

      Dandy

  14. Dandy,
    Love the story you shared from your visit to the store – such a simple thing…being nice…and look at what a difference that made!!

    I was at the grocery store today. The check out person wasn’t rude, but I could tell that she was ready for her day to be over. And I just took a couple of extra seconds to be cheerful and acknowledge her. And…I just felt this vibration of warmth from her (maybe she was like that with everyone…or maybe a bit of sincere joy helped, too). In any rate – I too felt even better as I left – and that was especially wonderful (given some not so good news I’d recevied earlier in the day…).

    And – what a wonderful quote at the end – I love that, too!!

    Ahhh…and see – after being here tonight…I just feel even better (thank YOU!!).

    • Hi Lance!
      I’m thrilled you read my post!! I really enjoy your blog & I’m grateful I found it. Isn’t it amazing how those vibrations can affect others and how it bounces straight back to us! It’s like boomerang of positivity. Thanks Lance.
      Dandy

  15. Discover you through the Naked Soul blog. The idea of noticing behaviours about others invites us to recognize certain traits within ouselves. Whether we react emotionally, respond peacefully with love, forgiveness and acceptance or indifference all send messages about our state of mind and being.

    • Hi Liara, (beautiful name)
      Thank you for taking a look at my blog (I love the naked soul). I’m glad you liked my post. I liked what you said about how our reactions send messages about our state of mind. I think those vibes affect others in positive ways! Thanks for your reply and come back again!!
      Dandy

  16. Hi Dandy! You presented some pretty good ideas in this post. I totally agree with “to never, ever react with rudeness in return.” We may react in a rude way if we take it personally. If we look past the behavior and don’t take it personally, we are able to see the person for who they are; truly beautiful regardless of the outward behavior.
    Thanks for this great reminder! Loving blessings!

    • Hi Andrea,
      That’s a lovely reply. It’s tough to see a rude person as beautiful, but you are so right. Sometimes our outward behavior doesn’t truthfully represent us. Everyone wishes they could have do overs. It’s important to cut people some slack. Thanks Andrea!!

  17. Great post Dandy! I like your point about honesty; sometimes we just have to be honest with ourselves and others, and like you said, sometimes we just have to tell others that their behavior might be bothering us.

    You’re right that it’s also important for us to do this in a positive way. Great advice here Dandy.

    -Gabe

  18. Great post that brings up many truths. Often we will find that our world will reflect our current state of being. If we have tense, chaotic energy we will find that all situations that we are in will only build upon that. But when we walk into a room that is filled with anger and tension, and spread a smile, love and kind words to those around us, we will find an automatic shift in energy in those around us. Just like your example with the clerk, your simple hello and some kind words brought her mood around to a whole new place, instead of feeding the downward spiral she was in, you helped by offering her another path out.

    Keep shining bright! You are teaching beautifully through example!

    • Hi,
      Thank you so much for your nice comment!! It’s true how we feed off each others vibes. We can try to turn them around positivley and it always comes back to us too!! I really like your blog and am flattered you took the time to check mine out!! Thanks!

      Dandy

  19. This is the perfect example of something I’ve been trying to live by in my life lately: acceptance vs. reaction. It’s natural I think to react adversely to things that upset us, but does it really accomplish anything? Not really. Practising acceptance and just allowing things to be is a much more productive use of our time (although it’s not without its challenges!).

    • Hi Emily!
      We are so on the same page. I’ve been trying really hard lately to stop struggling through life and just let go. Acceptance is huge. Accept whatever difficulties or aggravations I have and journey through them with as much grace as possible. Thanks so much for checking out my blog!!

      Take care,
      Dandy

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