There is so much stress coming at us from all directions. Some of it is avoidable, some is not. Sometimes we bring it upon ourselves by trying to fix people or wishing they would change. Learning to accept things and people for what and who they are means stepping out of the self-imposed stress and letting go.
There are people we look at and see what they are doing wrong and the various ways they could improve themselves and their lives. That is judgement. We are all guilty of it. Sometimes that judgement can cause us anguish and heavy amounts of stress. When we are wrapped up tightly around people who have qualities we disapprove of it affects us in profoundly negative ways.
People are who they are. Just because we see room for improvement in their lives doesn’t mean they’ll change. People won’t change because we want them to be happier, better, or different. No matter how many times we kiss a frog it will still be a frog.
Start by choosing to accept yourself. We all pick ourselves apart at times. Women especially are notorious for this. When we feel we aren’t good enough we either have high expectations of our partners, or have none at all. Just because we feel a person should be a certain way doesn’t mean they will feel obligated to meet those expectations. Nobody is obligated to adopt or adhere to our belief system. Do not speak or think the words, “ought to”, “should”, or ,”why can’t she”. If you are profoundly unhappy with someone, move on and away from them if possible. If the someone is someone you can’t say toodles to, strictly limit your time with them. Look after your own well-being.
That’s the wonderful benefit of learning to accept others for who they are…it frees you from having to problem solve, giving unwanted help, and unsolicited advice. It frees you from all the energy it takes to try to change someone. Take all that precious energy and put it into your precious self.
Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the anacceptable. – Denis Waitley
What are the things you need to stop judging yourself on? Who have you been trying to change? Can you wish them well on their journey and let go?
Do you ever have moments where you think everything is out of control? That there’s chaos and turmoil whirling about you? Moments where you are short-tempered and sarcastic to your loved ones? I certainly do. Sometimes I huff and puff, and stomp around the house with an ugly scowl on my face. I say things I later regret. I feel the physical symptoms in my body. My face is hot and flushed, my heart races, my mouth goes dry, and my head starts to pound. I feel that loss of control and it distresses me even more, because I’m letting it happen. Then I feel shame for loosing control over myself. Shame for showing my partner my ugly behavior.
I like to think of myself as an advanced human being. I contemplate, I read voraciously, I study. I constantly seek to better myself. But in those moments of anger and distress I blame others. In those moments I feel I am a victim of my environment. Something made me feel that way. In those moments it’s like being in a black hole.
Our thoughts exist to create situations, events, and circumstances to reflect back to us what we really believe. Our thoughts help to create our experiences. What we experience is from what we believe, or think about. To change our experiences we have to change our thoughts.
We attract experiences to us that match our energy pattern – the energy created by our thoughts. Having a positive attitude comes from the way we think. Positive thoughts literally puts us in touch with positive experiences.
If I believe that life is hard and unfair, then it will be so. If I believe there is chaos in my house and life, then there will be. If I believe I have no control over myself, then I won’t. If I believe anxiety leads me, then it will. Realizing that my thoughts and beliefs determine my experiences, will stop me in my tracks in those distressing moments.
I believe the next distressing moment I have I will be able to keep my energy positive. I believe I will be able to gain my composure and not make sarcastic comments. The next distressing moment I have I will experience positive thoughts. So bring it on life!
“The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress, is the easiest type of existence.” Norman Vincent Peale